09 Feb 10 My Dads story - think I will loose him soon :(

Dear Kelly,

I am so sorry to ready your story. You must be terribly worried and anxious. If your dad is getting very ill, the first thing I would say is the hospitals/hospices can really help- i thought the same thing as you, what can they do, but my dad went into a hospice 2 weeks ago after becoming scarily weak and eating/drinking nothing for days and they gave him fluids and while he is not ‘ok’ and never will be, he is a huge amount better than he was, and can communicate with us and is not in pain. so have trust and faith in what they can do - they really are experts- i promise. i also want to say i felt the same way about talking to my dad - he is a man’s man and does not do feelings!! but i wanted to tell him how i feel about him….after mulling it over for a few weeks and trying to find the right time, i finally blurted out how much i love him and admire him one night, and he stopped me and said he didn’t want to hear that, it would make him too sad. so i have respected that, and just tell him everyday that i love him. i think a letter to your dad might be a great idea - you will know best what to do - and as long as he knows you love him, that is what is important, however you tell him. i’m sorry i have no experience in telling your child about his grandad dying, but you sounds like a lovely woman and a great mum and i don’t think there is a ‘right’ way to tell a child sad news. when i was 10 my best friend’s parents died of cancer and i remember her wanting to be told the truth and have the chance to ask questions, so maybe just be honest and allow him to ask questions and be sad, in his own way.

and come on here whenever you want to talk, i have found it invaluable, kate x

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